Friday 19 May 2017

25/April 1915  
Dear Diary,

I am hearing guns firing over my shoulder my fingers were numb and I was shooting as fast as I could. I could only see gunpowder in the distance.
Today 140 of the men did not show for a check in. I got worried where were the 140 men. They must be still on the
battlefield...
And ran to the first Trench…

By
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3 comments:

  1. Miss B (Principal)30 May 2017 at 19:20

    I like the way that you have used ellipses (...) to add suspense. To make your writing more powerful, take out the telling starters- I am hearing, I could see, I got worried. This will give more impact to the reader. Continue striving for quality pieces of writing, Connor.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous11 August 2017 at 13:50

    Hi Conner,
    My name is Analei and I a year 8 student at St. Pius X Catholic School. I like how you used (...) I felt like it was happening to me.

    Keep it up!!
    ,Ana Lei

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous26 October 2017 at 09:58

    hello Conner,
    I really like how you have descried where u where.
    Next time can you please put in more detail about what you see and what you can smell, and what u can fell.

    Krystal

    ReplyDelete

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